What if your “no” is your body’s pathway to “yes”?
Something new!
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Listening to your "No" in order to say "Yes"
Almost every single person reported her body giving her some kind of “no” - and then listening to it.
This was last week in my Heal Her Healing Collective - an intimate group program where we explore physical and energetic personal well-being and healing and its impact on the collective.
In this group program, this experience of getting body messages and then pausing to honor them is something encouraged as part of the journey.
After months of coming together, and hearing from nearly everyone about some form of pausing in their “no”, there was celebration and acknowledgment all around.
It’s a practice, this listening to the body.
It’s a practice - when we get a “no”…in the form of a health scare, or or an odd feeling around a decision we need to make, or resistance to doing one more thing on the never-ending to do list, or anxiety about a social event…
To pause.
To really listen.
To hear the message beneath what the body is showing you in that moment.
And then to honor it.
To respond to what it’s asking for - with care, with rest, with writing, with stillness, with nervous system capacity building practices.
In When the Body Says No, Gabor Mate shows a multitude of ways that the body can give us a “no” and what can happen when we don’t listen.
It might seem trivial to pause and take time from changing the world to pay attention to what’s showing up in your body.
It might seem easier to push through the anxiety screeching through your veins in the form of stress hormones.
Or to ignore the clenching in your gut when you’re about to make a decision that you know isn't aligned.
Or to force your seat at the computer 3 more hours in the evening to finish the work that's spilling over, when your body is crying out for rest.
Or to not pee when you need to pee!
But our bodies know well – and if we don’t pay attention to them when they ask in gentler ways, they will eventually demand it.
I've seen this in clients I've worked with over the years, privately and in my group programs. And of course, in my own lived experience.
When we don't listen, something will eventually demand our attention.
Body listening and learning our “yes” and “no” are some of my favorite pieces to teach.
In part because people report back to me all the time how much learning these practices change their lives, health and relationships.
An invitation to pause and practice
You might want to take 5 minutes, grab a notebook, and explore these questions.
Pause to listen to your body. (Close your eyes if you're comfortable, breathe and listen. Just 60 seconds. Or 5 minutes if you like.)
What messages is your body giving you in this moment?
What is it asking you to do? What is it asking you to not do?
In what ways have you been listening to and honoring your body's messages and needs?
What is one simple way you could pause and listen more closely to your body in the coming week?
As you do this, please do it without judgment.
Be gentle and compassionate with yourself.
This takes practice, and commitment.
(And of course, as always, if you're finding hard truths as you listen, reach out to someone in your community if you could use some extra care.)
Here's what I know:
Your body is your ally.
It needs you to listen to what it has to say.
The more responsive you are to your body's messages, the more you can tend to what's needed, heal and feel steady as you walk through this beautiful and chaotic world.
The more healed and held you feel, the more you can do what you're here to do, and you can do it better.
The more we listen to our bodies, the more we grow our nervous system capacity. The greater our capacity, the more we can help the world. And that ripples out.
The world needs you well.
(And needs you listening to your own body, even when the world seems to be falling apart and you have pieces to pick up).
I’d love to hear how listening to your "no" goes for you and how this message lands.
With love and many blessings,
Kelly
P.S. More to come. And again, for those of you with kids or who have children in your world...
Giving kids permission to body listen is powerful - and so important. Your own body listening - and modeling this for kids - is a powerful teaching. They're feeling all the feels in this world right now, too. And they're watching us.
When they learn to honor the body's messages, in the safe presence of a caring adult, they can learn that their body is their ally, and how to work with it. And that’s good for all of them, and all of us…